It started with a call from her uncle to her mom. Somebody had informed them of a ‘good match’ for the girl and that they could consider taking this further. The girl, let’s call her Simran (considering my love for one of the greatest Bollywood hits – Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge – “DDLJ”) and the ‘good match’ called Raj (again because of my obvious love for DDLJ) were from the same state, same caste and same college (too much of similarity to handle) and as such, they were considered ‘made for each other’.
Talks ensued which gradually led to the day when the parents got thoroughly involved and took it further. Too much hurry for reasons unknown.
Simran and Raj, were they actually made for each other? Would their story have a “happily ever after” ending?
Phir ek shaam, bistar ke kone mein baith
Jaagti aankhon se usne ek khwaab dekha…
But lo, Raj was no Shahrukh from DDLJ. No love story could ever unfold. Unfortunate, eh? Umm, not really. Let’s see why.
Added to Raj’s insensitivity was his family’s ‘greed’. Yes, you guessed it right – they demanded dowry. Don’t we already know how all bounds of shame are crossed by our ‘ladke wale’ who more often than not ‘preach’ good principles when it comes to the girl but appear by no means bound to practise those themselves? Look around, you are bound to bump into a number of such ‘saints’.
It started from “Kuch nahi chahiye.”
Then it went to “Ladke ki shaadi mein bhi hum hi kharch karein?”
Then they murmured “Yeh chahiye.”
When that was given then “Woh chahiye.”
Simran, who all this while had been a ‘good girl’ lost all her patience. If it was only supposed to be a deal, there wasn’t one aspect where she was ‘benefitting’. And then came the wretched two letters “N-O”.
I hurried to meet her and asked her the reason. She gave her reply in points. I will quote them here:
- If you need to ask, I think you know the answer.
- Indifference is a red flag.
- When you are in a bad place, you will begin to look like it.
- I don’t want to put up with incessant and intolerable crisis.
- ‘No’ is a reason good enough.
I connected the dots and understood.
With straight faces, we walked away into different directions. I paused. Turned around and walked to her. Precious drops of tears were flowing down her eyes. She looked towards me and said, “I did trust him. I wanted to. He didn’t trust me back. Probably because he didn’t want to. I wish it had been just another thing for me. This was supposed to be special.” She was hurt real bad. But I could also see a glint of pride in her eyes. Pride for acknowledging herself as an equal. And rightly so!
I took a cab to go back home. It was a long way. I started turning pages of a magazine meant for in-cab reading and came across a very strong message – “Every dowry demand is a death threat. Don’t marry. Walk away.”
Don’t try mending wounds which aren’t curable. If you do so now, they may arise in uglier ways in the long run.
I reached home and kept thinking. How many of us are ready to stand up for ourselves like Simran did for herself? How many of us are ready to remain unmarried than bow down to such vulture instincts? How can we agree to tolerate statements like “are woh ladke wale hain”? How can ‘they’ be more when we are no less?
Think. Act. Fight your own demons right here and now.
Hey, Simran just called. Somebody who got the news of her refusal to marry had wished her less stupid decisions in future. I asked her what she has to say to that. She said she wished for them a little less hypocrisy.
A smile passed through my face.